• Mind + Mom + Baby

“Help, I’m Pregnant and Second Guessing My Decision!”


Did you and your partner plan and save and finally get pregnant, only to feel scared and panicked? It's more common than you think. Read on for how to cope.

Having a baby is one of the most life-changing experiences anyone could go through. Ideally, it’s something you spend a lot of time thinking about and planning. It’s essential to talk with your partner, make sure you’re on the same page, and ensure that you’re at the right place in your life to bring someone else into the world.


But, even if you’ve planned and prepared, no one is immune to second-guessing things. You might even feel as though you’ve changed your mind after you become pregnant.


If that’s something you’re dealing with, you undoubtedly feel overwhelmed right now. You may even be dealing with feelings of fear, regret, and guilt.


The most crucial thing to understand is that you are not alone. What can you do if you’re pregnant and second-guessing your decision?

Normalize Your Emotions

Again, you’re not alone in the way you’re feeling. Your mind and body are both going through extreme changes right now. It’s natural to feel overwhelmed by all of it. That’s especially true if your life is going to change in other ways. Maybe you’re going to have to move into a bigger place or change jobs. Perhaps you’re worried your relationship will be different.


Many times, it’s not the idea of the baby itself that causes women to second guess a pregnancy. It’s everything that goes with it.


Your second-guessing might be the result of anxiety and nerves getting the best of you. That’s natural. Most people fear what they don’t know, and having a baby can feel like the ultimate “unknown.”


Keep in mind, when you stop feeling guilty over your emotions, you can start getting to the root cause of them.

Understand Your Second Guessing

Instead of focusing on the guilt that you might feel over your decision, focus instead on what is genuinely causing you to second-guess things. Again, finding that “root cause” will make it easier to get through whatever issues you’re facing.


Are you worried about your financial situation? Maybe you’ve heard stories about childbirth itself, and you’re nervous. Or, you might feel like you’re not ready to “give up” the life you currently have.


When you better understand these situations, you can take active steps to control your anxiety and fears.

Letting Go of Guilt

Can you feel confident and comfortable with your decision? Can you be happy with your pregnancy and enjoy everything it has to offer? The answer is yes.


Once you’ve taken the time to figure out why you’re second-guessing things, you can start to remedy those thoughts and manage your symptoms of anxiety and worry.


No matter the underlying cause, one of the best things you can do is talk to your support system. Tell your partner about your feelings and let them be there for you. Talk to family members and friends, and don’t be afraid to lean on them for help and support as much as possible. Those who care about you will be willing to step in and give you as much help as they can if they know you’re struggling.


If you’re genuinely feeling overwhelmed by your pregnancy and you’re not sure what to do, seeking out help from a mental health professional may be the best option. A therapist can help you bring any underlying causes to the surface and give you the resources to work through them throughout your pregnancy and beyond.

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Feel free to contact me at any time to set up an appointment or with any questions you might have. Remember, you aren’t alone in your feelings, and your second-guessing doesn’t mean you’ll love your child any less. I offer a complimentary phone consultation to all potential clients. To schedule yours in a matter of seconds, please check here.


To learn more about how counseling can help you while you are pregnant, please click here.


BRINGING BABY HOME: A NEW PARENT WORKSHOP IS GOING VIRTUAL!!!! A workshop for couples who are thinking about or planning to have a baby, who are expecting a baby or who have children already. Based on years of research and experience and developed by the Gottman Institute, this 12 hour workshop is designed to repair communication skills and jump start your relationship with your partner. For more information, please click here.


Jennifer Perera is a mom, spouse and Licensed Clinical Social Worker who has over a decade’s worth of experience in mental health. She has a private practice in New Jersey, with locations in Cranford and Princeton. Her passion is helping new moms and dads find their joy again in parenthood through individual, group and couples counseling. Jennifer specializes in working with parents during the prenatal and postpartum periods and those coping with a pregnancy loss or infertility. Her other passion is travelling to different parts of the world and her goal is to vacation in a different locale every time. She also has a great fondness for cats!