You might think yelling is the only way to get through to someone (especially kids, a spouse, etc). But, it’s usually not as effective as people think.
On top of that, you’re not doing yourself any favors by yelling. Think about how you feel after you yell at one of your children or your significant other. While it might feel good to release some anger in the heat of the moment, it’s easy to feel remorseful or guilty afterward.
So, what can you do to stop yelling and feel happier in the process? It starts with taking care of yourself.
1. Manage Your Emotions
When you feel burned out or fatigued, it’s easy to snap and start yelling. If you’re a parent, feeling drained— in more ways than one—is frequently par for the course. You might feel sleep-deprived, stressed about your work/life balance, or as if you haven’t had a moment to yourself in weeks.
It’s essential to practice self-care as much as possible, no matter how busy your schedule might seem. When you’re drained, you’re less likely to manage your emotions positively. As a result, you’re not teaching your children the importance of emotional regulation.
Think of your responses to people as another way to influence your kids. Practice empathy. Show patience and kindness. It’s much easier to do that when you’ve made your health a priority.
And if you see that your co-parent is looking stressed out or stretched thin, consider stepping in and helping out while allowing them to exit for a few minutes and gather their composure.
2. Don’t Hold Onto Resentments
When you hold onto things that upset you, you’re adding fuel to the internal fire. Emotions demand to be felt, one way or another. If you keep adding fuel, it can lead to resentment.
Then, when you’re having a bad day or something negative happens, all of those resentments and negative feelings can force their way to the forefront, causing you to yell and say things you wouldn’t usually say.
3. Stop and Notice Your Feelings
One of the best things you can do to yell less is to stop yourself when you start to feel angry. You know your mind and body better than anyone, so you likely know what your triggers are.
When you start to feel upset, hit pause, and take a step back from the situation. Take a moment to breathe deeply and acknowledge your feelings.
When you do recognize your feelings, you’ll usually find that the surface anger has much more hiding underneath. You might feel frustrated, sad, scared, or overwhelmed. These in-depth emotions are often more challenging to express, so anger tends to mask them.
Accepting what you’re feeling underneath can help you to let the anger go, so you’re less likely to yell. As a result, you might even feel as though a weight has been lifted off of your shoulders.
Once you’re in a calmer state of mind, you can continue with more positive and productive actions.
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Yelling less takes a lot of self-control and discipline. It’s not always easy to do, and it will take time to change your habits. But, when you start yelling less, it usually means you’re getting more in touch with your feelings and emotions, which can help you to feel calmer, and even happier.
If you struggle with yelling and you want to change the way you react, feel free to contact me for more tips or to set up an appointment. I offer a complimentary phone consultation to all potential clients. To schedule yours in a matter of seconds, please check here. Together, we can get to the root of why you are compelled to yell and work on alternatives to yelling that are healthier for everyone.
To learn more about how counseling can help you during your parenting journey, please click here.
COMING SOON! A workshop for couples who are thinking about or planning to have a baby, who are expecting a baby or who have children already. Based on years of research and experience and developed by the Gottman Institute, this 12 hour workshop is designed to repair communication skills and jump start your relationship with your partner. For more information, please click here.
Jennifer Perera is a mom, spouse and Licensed Clinical Social Worker who has over a decade’s worth of experience in mental health. She has a private practice in New Jersey, with locations in Cranford and Princeton. Her passion is helping new moms and dads find their joy again in parenthood through individual, group and couples counseling. Jennifer specializes in working with parents during the prenatal and postpartum periods and those coping with a pregnancy loss or infertility. Her other passion is travelling to different parts of the world and her goal is to vacation in a different locale every time. She also has a great fondness for cats!