It can be very surreal - you've just had an argument with your partner and by the time it is over, you don't even recall what you were really arguing about in the first place. You turn off the lights and roll over but you feel 10,000 miles away from them, emotionally. You consciously know they are right there but on an emotionally level, you are miles apart.
No relationship is perfect. No matter how much you love each other, your partner is bound to do things that get under your skin once in a while. Unfortunately, when you’re dealing with depression, those instances can be amplified significantly.
Negative emotions can cause a big rift in romantic relationships. If your partner has started to really annoy you, it’s important to look at some of the underlying causes, and how you’re reacting.
When you understand the reasons why you feel so annoyed, you can take more active steps to turn those negative emotions into something positive.
When You’re Easily Frustrated
Do you find yourself easily frustrated when it comes to the littlest things your partner does? Maybe they didn’t unload the dishwasher. Or, maybe they said something in passing that rubbed you the wrong way.
Before your frustrations boil over into anger and you let your emotions out on your partner, take a step back. Look in the mirror. Many times when you’re annoyed, it has more to do with how you’re feeling than how your partner is acting.
Do their habits remind you of some of your negative traits? Or, do you have unrealistic expectations? When you turn your focus toward yourself, it’s easier to let go of those frustrations. As a result, you can find freedom for yourself and your partner.
When You Can’t Cope as Usual
Maybe your partner hasn’t changed, but you’re finding it harder to cope than usual. It might sound strange at first, but don’t be afraid to ask others about your assumptions.
Do you and your partner share mutual friends? Ask those friends if your partner’s habits are annoying them, or talk to them about your concerns.
If those friends (or family members) don’t see your partner any differently, it could be a sign that something deeper is going on with you. That doesn’t mean you need to judge yourself. But, if you’re having a hard time coping and your partner isn’t the one who has changed, recognizing your changes can make it easier to realize you may need help.
Communication Is Key
Communication is an essential tool for any successful relationship. But, it becomes even more important if you’re a busy couple, or if you have children. If your partner has really started to annoy you, one of the best things you can do is to talk more.
Express your concerns and the way you’re feeling. Maybe your thoughts are valid if your partner has made some changes in the way they act. If they haven’t, though, talking about your emotions can help you both to come to a solution.
Keeping your emotions inside, especially from your partner, will only make matters worse. It could lead to resentment, confusion, and anger in the relationship. When communication is an issue in your relationship, it’s important to focus on ways of expanding it, so you both feel heard and understood.
If you’re struggling with how to navigate your emotions or you feel like you’re not sure why you’re feeling this way, take heart. Your relationship isn’t doomed, and you don’t have to feel alone with these emotions.
Bottom Line
When you start to get a better understanding of what you’re feeling (and why), you can once again focus on strengthening your relationship and your connection with your partner.
Therapy can even work on different ways of communicating more effectively, so if you continue to feel these emotions, you’ll know how to express them to your partner in a healthy way.
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I offer couples counseling to those looking to strengthen their relationship and improve communication. To learn more about how counseling can help improve your relationship, please click here.
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COMING SOON! A workshop for couples who are thinking about or planning to have a baby, who are expecting a baby or who have children already. Based on years of research and experience and developed by the Gottman Institute, this 12 hour workshop is designed to repair communication skills and jump start your relationship with your partner. For more information, please click here.
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Jennifer Perera is a mom, spouse and Licensed Clinical Social Worker who has over a decade’s worth of experience in mental health. She has a private practice in New Jersey, with locations in Cranford and Princeton. Her passion is helping new moms and dads find their joy again in parenthood through individual, group and couples counseling. Jennifer specializes in working with parents during the prenatal and postpartum periods and those coping with a pregnancy loss or infertility. Her other passion is travelling to different parts of the world and her goal is to vacation in a different locale every time. She also has a great fondness for cats!