• Interval Health

Feeling Like Roommates Instead of Partners? Here’s What to Do


Have you felt distant lately from your partner? Feeling more like roommates than soulmates? Growing a family can leave couples feeling lost in the romance department.

When you’re with one person for a long period of time, it’s normal for the butterflies to fade a bit. You’re probably not going to feel the same way you felt about your partner as you did when you first started dating.


When you’re trying to raise kids or have a newborn in the house, things can become even less “romantic” and more mundane.


Simply put, you might start to feel more like roommates instead of partners.


This pandemic has especially tested relationships. For a long time, you may have been “stuck” at home with your partner and kids, just trying to get through each day the best you could. Unfortunately, that kind of routine lifestyle makes it easier for things to feel stagnant in your relationship.


So, what can you do to start feeling more like romantic partners again? How can you get that spark back on a long-term basis?


It may be easier than you think. Let’s go over a few everyday solutions that can help you feel connected with your partner again.

Take Time Away from Technology

During the pandemic, especially, technology has become a lifeline for so many. There’s nothing wrong with that, but when it’s becoming a “third wheel” in your relationship, it’s also becoming a problem.


How often do you find yourself sitting in a room with your partner while you’re both on your phones? Or, maybe you’re laying in bed together and night, and they’re reading from a tablet while you scroll through Instagram?


Technology has its place, and it’s a useful way to stay connected with others. But, if it’s causing you to feel disconnected from your partner, take a break. Choose to be more present when your partner is around, and give them your full attention. Even if you have to schedule a time to be together with no tech involved, it’s better than giving in to constant digital distractions.

Have Conversations About More Than the Kids

When you have children – especially a newborn baby – it’s not uncommon for every conversation to focus around them.


Communication in co-parenting is crucial, but it shouldn’t be the only thing you talk about. Having adult conversations about your relationship, about yourselves, and about each other is still as important as ever.


Not sure where to get started? Discuss your goals, and ask your partner about theirs. Talk about your hobbies or things you could do together away from home. Digging a little deeper into your conversations can help to renew your interest in one another. It’s a fantastic way to get to know each other repeatedly and maybe bring back some of those butterflies.

Do Things Together

Talking about things other than the kids is a great start. But, don’t be afraid to step out of your daily routine and do new things together, too. Whether it’s a “date night” once a week, taking a class together, or just going somewhere different once in a while, spending that quality time away from home, just the two of you, can be incredibly healing for your relationship.


That time alone, combined with communication, can also help you create a mutual vision for your future. You can recommit yourselves to your relationship and what you want it to look like.

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Now, more than ever, you can use these uncertain times to strengthen your relationship. If you’re still feeling “stuck” or you’re not sure how to rid yourself of roommate status, feel free to contact me. Together, we can cover more solutions that will help you and your partner rediscover your relationship and get out of the roommate rut. I offer a complimentary phone consultation to all potential clients. To schedule yours in a matter of seconds, please check here.


To learn more about how counseling can help you during pregnancy, please click here.

BRINGING BABY HOME: A NEW PARENT WORKSHOP IS GOING VIRTUAL!!!! A workshop for couples who are thinking about or planning to have a baby, who are expecting a baby or who have children already. Based on years of research and experience and developed by the Gottman Institute, this 12 hour workshop is designed to repair communication skills and jump start your relationship with your partner. For more information, please click here.

Jennifer Perera is a mom of two boys, a spouse and a Licensed Clinical Social Worker. She has a private practice in Cranford, New Jersey and also sees clients throughout New Jersey via telehealth. Her passion is helping new moms and dads find their joy again in parenthood through individual and couples counseling. She also runs workshops for new parents, teaching them techniques and strategies to help them have a stronger relationship - built to thrive during the parenthood years. Jennifer specializes in working with parents during the prenatal and postpartum periods and those coping with grief or loss issues surrounding pregnancy.